I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
