Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
