he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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