i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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