I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
