the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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