Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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