This girl is more easily done than said...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i out mim tonsoeep
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