they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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