I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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