what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
