That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
