No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
