just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
