can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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