I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
