you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
