The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
