dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
