her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
