If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
