Will you blow on my dice?
Just cropdusted the office
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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