Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
