2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
