I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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