with your own penis?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize