that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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