I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
