2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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