im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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