Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
