all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
