I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
