there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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