well I can't set my house on fire every night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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