oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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