It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
