dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A bitchslap is in order.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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