I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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