I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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