drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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