omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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