Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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