i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
