Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize