I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
