Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
