eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I need water and some morals
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
