Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
