I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
