Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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