You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize