I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
