Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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