is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
