I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
