I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
