i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize