By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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