Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
