I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
