All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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