***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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