i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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