More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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