No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
