we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
