i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
