ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
