There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
