i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
