Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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